The One Who Sees The Deep.

When I first saw these words written down, I had no idea where they came from. I learned they came from the Epic of Gilgamesh, used to describe his knowledge of the great mysteries of life. For more information, look here and listen here.

My personal feeling on these words is one of wonderment and curiosity at what lies in The Deep, what lies in the expanse of each of us that exists as a thinking, feeling human being? 

But can we ever really know about the mysteries of life? What about the meaning of life? How do we become who we are? Why do we experience pain and injustice? 

These big existential questions are something that until recently I have felt scared of, they have carried with them a fear of the unknown, a fear of the dark and deep waters in the meaning of life. Questions of why are we here, what does it mean to die and where do we go were masked by crippling anxiety, panic attacks and intense mood swings in my early adult life. 

Through therapy, reading (this beautiful book, There are Rivers in the Sky by Elif Shafak, where I first read about The Deep), connection with family and friends, and — perhaps most importantly — learning to be honest with myself, my relationship with these questions has changed. Learning to trust my own experiences and developing a sense of safety within myself has been a profound turning point. It has reshaped how I relate to the world, to the people I love, and to my work.

Thinking about The Deep can feel fearful, scary, big and dark, but it doesn’t have to. I am learning that each day, appreciating discomfort when it shows up and noticing that I can navigate it and not be washed away with the strength of its tides.